A quarter-life crisis has me thinking about what a hipster truly is. 

By Ryan Snider, Staff Writer 

I set the needle down upon the Billy Joel 52nd Street record.

The guitar riff and drums blast through the speakers.

“Welllll, ya went uptown ridin’ in your limousine,” Billy Joel sings.

I nod to the beat and sit down at my desk. I pull the chair closer to the desk and crack my knuckles. In front of me is a 1966 Royal 440 typewriter. I load up a piece of paper and get ready to type.

I pause, in thought, and look up to the pinup board in front of me. Ten scattered pictures are pinned to the wall—all shot on my Pentax K100 film camera.

Suddenly my eyes widen, and my stomach jolts.

“I-I think I’m a hipster.” I push my chair away and fall to my knees. I clench my fists and scream towards the sky. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!“

We slowly fade out of my dramatized retelling.

…

A hipster is a subculture of people who attempt to go against the “mainstream” and be unique. The stereotypical hipster tries way too hard to be different. An outfit might include a well-trimmed beard, black-rimmed glasses, and for some reason, both a belt AND suspenders. And typically, a hipster will SWEAR that analog technology is somehow better than its modern counterpart.

Basically, it’s the ultimate tragedy to be labeled as a hipster. Or, as Professor Smith would say, it’s a “fate worse than death.” Yet here I was, listening to a record, surrounded by film photos, about to type on a gosh-dang typewriter.

WHAT HAVE I BECOME??

I took a deep breath. Okay, so maybe I’m just a tad bit of a hipster (it makes me shudder thinking about it). So, now what?

Well, upon further research, it turns out just about everyone on the internet hates hipsters. So, that was reassuring knowing I might be one. People on the internet are a bunch of stuck-up young adults who think they’re superior to everyone else because of their sense of fashion and hobbies.

And yeah, I mean, it’s hard to disagree. Self-centered people are really, really hard to like. But the point here is people don’t necessarily hate the style or hobbies of hipsters. I don’t think anyone can deny that record players are cool (even if they aren’t practical), that film photos look aesthetic, or that a typewriter is fun to type on.

What people hate are hipsters’ attitudes. People that are self-centered, self-righteous and stuck-up are incredibly annoying. So it’s not hard to understand the stigma against hipsters.

But a stigma is just a stigma. Not everyone is like that, and in fact, most hipsters are actually pretty cool.

So if you’re like me, and you have some weird interest in redundant old technology and fear you also might be labeled as a hipster, fear not! As long as you treat people with basic respect, you should be a-okay.

Well, as long as you don’t wear both a belt and suspenders. That’s just dumb.