(Poster provided by movieposterdb.com)
(Poster provided by movieposterdb.com)

Right before I came to the university, I had to have all four of my wisdom teeth removed. When I woke up after the procedure, I felt extreme euphoria – laughing and giggling at everything my parents said to me. An hour later, I was wallowing in the sheer pain from having four of my major teeth ripped out of my face.

“Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2” is pretty much the exact thing – a few laughs at first and then excruciating discomfort. Without the blood and puffy cheeks of course.

“Mall Cop 2” is a sequel to, well, “Paul Blart: Mall Cop,” a poorly received comedy starring Kevin James. James does his best to make audiences uncomfortable with constant fat jokes, stupid stunts and terrible dialogue. The story is decrepit, involving art thieves trying to steal art from a Las Vegas hotel.

If it sounds boring, it’s because it is – even if your expectations are as low as Kevin James’ career.

The villains might as well have stolen mini shampoo containers. It wouldn’t hurt or help the dragging story. Plus, we’ve all done it.

Yes, there are a few cheap chuckles. For example, I died laughing when Paul Blart’s mom died from getting drilled by an ice cream truck. It was so cruel, so cynical and yet so stupidly funny.

Then there’s a scene of Kevin James eating ice cream for, oh, I don’t know, 20 seconds.

“See? It’s funny because he is overweight! All overweight people eat ice cream!”

Shut up, Hollywood.

I want my $6.75 back – and my wisdom teeth too.

0.25/5 stars

Jared Huhta is a senior history education major. This review reflects the opinion of the writer only.