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Governor Pence seeking solitude in Becker tunnel

Governor Mike Pence. (Photo by Mike Pence – it was selfie)

Governor Mike Pence. (Photo by Mike Pence – it was selfie)

NOTE: This article was for April Fools Day and was completely made up. 

Governor Mike Pence, the governor of Indiana, USA, is reportedly hiding out in the bowels of Becker Hall after controversy erupted when he signed the Religious Freedom Restoration Act.

The act, according to Fox News, is a justifiable law that protects businesses from the government infringing upon their religious rights. However, many opponents claim it allows businesses to discriminate against same-sex couples, should they cite religious beliefs.

Numerous states have banned Indiana – even after Pence tried to set the record straight on ABC News.

“This law, signed by Bill Clinton in 1993 and even supported by Senator Barack Obama, does not give people a license to discriminate,” Pence said as he carved his name in the concrete wall of Becker Tunnel next to Ronald Coffee’s name. “But the liberal media just doesn’t see it that way.”

Pence visited the university in 2014 and noticed how small it was – the perfect getaway to hide from millions of upset Americans.

“This is the second safest campus in Indiana so it is perfect for me,” he said, scratching his growing beard. “This law, signed by Bill Clinton in 1993 and even supported by Senator Barack Obama, does not give people a license to discriminate.”

President Sheriyl Embertonian, Ed.D.,  has ordered campus dining services to drop off meals to the governor, who’s chances of a 2016 presidential bid are about as likely as the RichLyn Library Wi-Fi working consistently.

Pence says the food has been welcoming but is a little tough on his stomach.

Senior April Fillipino said it is “kinda neat” to have Governor Pence on campus all the time.

“Wow,” she said. “To think that a future president is living underneath me right now is awesome. Pence/Palin 2016!”

No one knows for sure just how long Pence will live in Becker Tunnel, but he will speak in chapel April 13.

“This law, signed by Bill Clinton in 1993 and even supported by Senator Barack Obama, does not give people a license to discriminate,” Pence said, as he rocked back and forth in the dark, desolate tunnel. “This law, signed by Bill Clinton in 1993 and even supported by Senator Barack Obama, does not give people a license to discriminate. This law, signed by Bill Clinton in 1993 and even supported by Senator Barack Obama, does not give people a license to discriminate. This law, signed by Bill Clinton in 1993 and even supported by Senator Barack Obama, does not give people a license to discriminate. This law, signed by Bill Clinton in 1993 and even supported by Senator Barack Obama, does not give people a license to discriminate. This law, signed by Bill Clinton in 1993 and even supported by Senator Barack Obama, does not give people a license to discriminate.”

3 Comments on Governor Pence seeking solitude in Becker tunnel

  1. Kyle Metzger // April 1, 2015 at 11:58 am // Reply

    This is beautiful. The last paragraph had me totes lol’ing.

    Like

  2. Austin Flores // April 1, 2015 at 2:14 pm // Reply

    i won’t believe he is down there until I see the mandatory selfie that is required when he visits campus.

    Like

  3. Kris Burgess // April 2, 2015 at 10:58 am // Reply

    Brilliant. Thanks for the laugh!

    Like

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